Since time has passed and no one follows this page, I just do this for me; I don't talk anymore, nor do I have anyone who I can talk to that will actually give a shit past their own problems.
I am just tired and given how things are in my life, i'm just depressed; i had a lot of things going on in my life that for right now just makes me feel hopeless. One of the major things that has happened to me was when i was young i was molested by my cousin Carlos Diaz, from my fathers side; if you haven't been sexually assaulted and you know someone who has and they are older, dealing with them can be very difficult. One thing you have to understand, no matter how old the person is and they've been through this traumatic experience and cant put the person responsible behind bars, we think about it everyday; not a day goes by I don't give it thought and either shut down, lash out or blame myself; not everyday is dark, but i wish their were more brighter days for me.
I've been to therapy, but that was for couples counselling and we've touched on it because it, among other issues, are affecting us.
Being abused automatically puts a mask on your whole entire self, and those close to you that see under the mask have to deal with a lot, it's not their fault, they just don't understand what you been through and some just think "why cant you just get over it, it's been so long, move on"; that is callous thinking and with these deep scars we cant, we can only manage it.
I , dont know what else to say, i have a lot of things just weighing me down from my past and present that i dont really want to express or complain about, I know no one cares, but yet when they come to you to express themselves, I better care or i'm the one that seem cold and callous.
When you see someone with a mask, dont look at the eyes of the mask, look at the bottom of it to see if you see tears dripping out from beneath it.
