Way back when I was looking forward to going to my graduation for my bachelors degree and being proud of all my hard work.........yea not anymore; i'm just so drained about reaching the end of this part of my life and all that accumulated near the end of it or what's at risk if I don't actually complete my classes to be eligible to get my degree by the end of this year......I look at the school I now work near and just look at in contempt; all i see is the stress that it has put on my heart and head.
How can i feel this way when this part of my life is suppose to be putting me in the space to do better in my life, especially when I was on and off with jobs, kids, home life, etc. To finish this in 5 years in my late 30's with on and off crohn's flair up and anything that life can throw at you and keep a slightly above average GPA.
I feel beat, battered and just drained that even when i have my last day in class and i'm free after that.......trying to keep my head up among all the stress taken, given and at the end of all this with no support or anyone cheering me on knowing the end is near.......my heart is not just in it.
Funny thing is if me going to school was a relationship, the amount of alleged cheating I've done behind her back to pass classes, i'd be considered the king of whores, but have yet to be caught. It makes me ashamed, but it needed to be done, which just makes me feel worse.
I don't even think i'll hang the degree up in my home, i cant see that everyday and be proud of it, just how much it broke my heart and head to work so hard to do better and feel bad about doing it when it was reaching its end.
Fall 2012 to Fall 2017........5 Years, Bachelors in Computer Systems, CUNY
How can i feel this way when this part of my life is suppose to be putting me in the space to do better in my life, especially when I was on and off with jobs, kids, home life, etc. To finish this in 5 years in my late 30's with on and off crohn's flair up and anything that life can throw at you and keep a slightly above average GPA.
I feel beat, battered and just drained that even when i have my last day in class and i'm free after that.......trying to keep my head up among all the stress taken, given and at the end of all this with no support or anyone cheering me on knowing the end is near.......my heart is not just in it.
Funny thing is if me going to school was a relationship, the amount of alleged cheating I've done behind her back to pass classes, i'd be considered the king of whores, but have yet to be caught. It makes me ashamed, but it needed to be done, which just makes me feel worse.
I don't even think i'll hang the degree up in my home, i cant see that everyday and be proud of it, just how much it broke my heart and head to work so hard to do better and feel bad about doing it when it was reaching its end.
Fall 2012 to Fall 2017........5 Years, Bachelors in Computer Systems, CUNY
