An Open Heart Hurts

I wish I could talk in general terms, but if you've read from the thoughts on my blog it all comes from personal experience, those close to me or my thought processes; I was listening to a reggae love song and it had me thinking, how do you trust the one you love or recover from love lost?  Is it worth half-loving someone and putting up with their bullshit to not feel alone?  How do you have that "One Love" with someone? (not the song I was listening to by the way).


Now, I've been utterly devastated with love, I've also been rebuilt and reborn with it as well, for the simple fact that I never gave up on wanting to feel love with someone; the person that has my heart now, is she my soulmate?


She sure seems like it, but these thoughts sparked the title of this post which can be one of the most truest sayings that can be said if you are a veteran of love, my heart sure did feel that way before I found my current love; if you're a hopeless romantic willing to open your heart to someone who hasn't done the same, you know the pain of waiting in vain for them to do just that; does this cause your heart any hurt? I'm sure it does, don't fear that pain.


It's always rough to size up a person to see if they fit that special place in your heart where you show them things only those close to you are allowed to see and ask yourself "how do they handle it and are they willing?".  Some are lucky enough to have someone that can take that heart in their hands and care for it as it should be cared for.  You have the other side of that coin, where some takes advantage and basically rips your heart to shreds.


The thing about it is, where do you see yourself after the dust settles and the pieces of your heart slowly mend itself together again?  Each time the sledge hammer hit me in the heart I became cold, treated women like they shouldn't be treated, once the pain faded I was again ready to experience love in my life; I've seen men and women who fear that pain and do all they can to drag out a relationship past it's due date; those that run back and forth, breakup/makeup/breakup until something finally happens to let them know it's really over when it should have been finished way before then.  The one with the biggest heart always ends up the most bitter person if they lose the lesson of a failed relationship regardless of who is wrong.


What people fail to realize (in my opinion) is that pain an open heart experiences, once you learn from it, helps strengthen you, it really does; if you keep your heart open to someone you think is special enough and they fail you, that pain is immeasurable, the warm tears running down your cheek should tell you that a closed heart is only for a weak person who, later in life, will feel a bigger pain of a wasted life with someone who will never love your heart the way it should have been loved from the beginning, the way you loved them.


The pain that love can be is one that has driven people to do horrible things to themselves and others all in the belief that such a thing as love shouldn't be taken away and should always feel wonderful even if they have to try and force it, that never accomplishes anything; make that pain your stepping stone to your constant relationship evolution, with each new person that crosses your path you might finally meet someone who's love is tempered by that same pain and will embrace you and whisper in your ear those words that were meant for you to let you know that you have finally met true love that will last until your last breath.


If a shared love is not split 50/50, don't expect it to go far; like I've told a few people in my life "I don't want someone behind me, I don't need someone in front of me, we belong besides one another because we are equals" what love do you think you have in your life if you're not making each other a better person; if you're not empowering one another to make yourselves feel as if anything you couldn't achieve separately, you know you can conquer together.


Love is simply complicated and that's why few are really good at it.




BSoM